Forgiving our fathers
On this Fathers’ Day . . .
On this Fathers’ Day, what if we decided to finally forgive our fathers
For being too soft or too hard
For always being there or rarely being present
For holding us too close or never holding us at all
For smothering us with love or withholding it as reproval
For wearing their feelings on their sleeve or expressing only anger
For being generous in their criticism but meager in their praise
For the perpetual safety net or ample rope to hang ourselves
For telling us what to do yet not sharing how to be
For saying “You can be anything,” or “You can’t make a living doing that”
What if, on this Fathers’ Day, we finally release these and any other real or imagined transgressions
And honor our fathers for the blessings they provided and for loving us the very best way they knew how
* * *
I wrote this and first posted it for Fathers’ Day 2009.
Saturday, June 19th, 2010Jubilee! A Call to Life!
Below is an essay about Jubilee! by Avery Shackelford for her Introduction to Religious Studies course at St. Andrew’s-Sewanee School in Sewanee, Tennessee. Avery is the granddaughter of Mimi Shackelford, who has been involved with Jubilee! since the beginning and who made the lovely fabric wall hangings that adorn the interior walls at Jubilee!. By the way, Avery recently graduated after receiving an A+ on her paper.
Jubilee! A Call to Life!
By Avery Shackelford
In the mountains of North Carolina there is a place where hands come together to work, pray, create, celebrate, and love. These hands belong to the members of “a unique Community of Faith”1 called Jubilee!. Jubilee! is an inclusive community filled with people of many different religious backgrounds and beliefs, and as Minister Howard Hanger states, “Diversity is our middle name!” The people in this community, who refer to themselves as Jubilants, live up to their namesake as they personify all of the word jubilant’s synonyms including joyful, exultant, and exuberant. In a place where love is given out as freely as candy at a parade, there is certainly much to be jubilant about.
Jubilee! has a mission to make their community and the world a better place. In 1989, when Jubilee! first got its start, the group donated ten thousand dollars to organizations both locally and world-wide to feed and shelter the hungry and homeless.2 Today, Jubilee! annually donates about thirteen times the amount they gave out in their first year; as Mimi Shackelford says “Our goal is to give half of what we take in.” Among the agencies that receive from Jubilee! are Habitat for Humanity, Meals on Wheels, and Boys & Girls Club. Service based ministries in Jubilee! include “Outreach” whose mission is “ministering to needs of others through the appropriation of our outreach dollars” and “The Service Team” who “locates and facilitates ‘action oriented, hands-on projects’ that benefit those in need.”3 One unique way in which Jubilee! helps lend a hand is through their “Room In the Inn” program, “a local program of Homeward Bound, sponsored by 26 Asheville area faith-based communities, to provide safe and overnight accommodations and nourishing meals to twelve homeless women.”4 Approximately four times each year Jubilee! provides food and housing for these women with the help of 70 hands. Why are Jubilants so willingly ready to help? This question is answered by Jubilee! member Pam Raymond in her essay “How Much We Love.” She says, “We love…we love wildly and freely! We love the kind of love that is not afraid of dirty hands!” She goes on to say, “Radical love can change a life. Relentless love can change the world – one heart at a time. Keep on loving, Jubilee! that’s what is real.” Jubilee!’s drive to help make their community and world better stems from their perpetual love for all human beings.
The attitude of many Jubilants reminds one faintly of the ideas of the romantic poets such as Wordsworth and Coleridge both of who discuss the importance of human beings’ connection to nature in their writing. In Coleridge’s “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” the narrator talks about his discovery that even the slimy snakes in the sea are part of God’s creation. Likewise, Jubilants say “Even the beasts of the field and every creeping thing praises God, according to the psalms.”5 The Jubilant! church year is unique in its use of “the vias”, “used as a quarterly focus for worship[, there is] one via for each season: Summer—via positiva, Autumn—via negativa, Winter—via creativa, and Spring—via transformativa.”6 The purpose of the vias is to help create your own path of thinking and being while still giving you clear spiritual guidance. The vias are a path, not “THE path.”7 Via positiva is a celebration of yes. Summer is a positive “yes-like” season in the abundance of color and nature. Via negativa affirms that there is darkness in life and that darkness should be approached with courage.
Autumn represents this darkness, as life appears to be dying. Via creativa helps produce a creative time to go inside one-self. Winter is the season of creativity. Via transformativa represents positive change and fullness of life. Spring is a time of change as life is reborn anew.8 In a recent via transformativa celebration, the congregation sang a song about the earth of which Mimi Shackelford says, “After we sang this Howard [Hanger] suggested we imagine singing it to the planet—the moon, stars, earth, and flowers.” Jubilants feel a deep connection to nature. Members of Jubilee! can actively participate in “Earth Team” whose goal is “creating awareness of the interconnection of all things and sponsoring projects related to the environment or justice”9, but being part of the Jubilee! community is enough to help one realize nature’s great effect on and connection to humanity and foster a deep appreciation for the earth. Aliyah Schick says, “I believe that everything that exists is part of the whole, part of what we call sacred, part of what we call God. All that we know and encounter is expression of the sacred and contained within it. Things change form—we live in change, everything is constantly changing—but nothing just ends or stops existing. It transmutes to another form. Water becomes ice, a tree becomes compost, minerals become crystals, oil becomes heat; matter becomes energy and energy becomes matter. There is much more going on than we humans will ever begin to imagine, let alone understand. I have a powerful sense, deep in my bones, that all is well, whether I know the details or not.” Jubilants have come to realize that God is with you in nature and the closer we are to nature, the closer we are to God. (more…)
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010Eulogy for Granny D
Dennis Burke’s Eulogy for Granny D
Dublin, New Hampshire, March 14, 2010
Thousands of news services, from Peterborough to Bangkok, from personal diaries to the New York Times, have reported these last few days on the life and death of Doris Haddock. In her life, she did not cure a disease or end a war. She did not write ten symphonies or do whatever normally occasions such notice. So what did she do? It is worth thinking about in this moment.
If people no longer spoke aloud, or if they no longer looked at things with their own eyes or through their own thoughts, if they let others do those things for them, then they would take it as unusual if one among them suddenly spoke up and dared see the world independently, describing without filter or permission the vivid colors and true conditions of the world.
It is difficult to understand why a lady from New Hampshire who did little more than take morning walks–though she sometimes did so without coming back for several years–should be so lionized in death, unless we also consider what has become of the world around her that made her exceptional by comparison. She is seen as exceptional perhaps because the rest of us have become a little too reticent, a little too slow-moving, in response to these times of high challenge.
A thousand people have told me that, when they reach her age, they want to be like Granny D. I have always agreed with them, but we have had it a little wrong. We must not wait until we are 90 or 100; we have to be, even today, a little more like Granny D. Our challenges will not wait for us to age. (more…)
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010New member of Lavender-Mulkey family due to arrive in early September
We’re writing to share some very exciting and possibly surprising news with you. We’re pregnant!
Well, technically just Shonnie is pregnant. And we are expecting our baby to arrive on or around September 5. Shonnie is now through her first trimester, is feeling well and is adjusting to a body that seems to change every few days. Bruce is envisioning how we’ll create a nurturing space in our 
home for our new arrival and calculating his age when our baby is 18 (a very young-at-heart octogenarian).
A little back-story: At the beginning of 2009, we decided to stop using birth control and, doing nothing extraordinary, we’d see if we got pregnant. We weren’t adamant that we must have a child, yet we were open to bringing one into our lives if that’s what was meant to be. Given our ages we figured that the odds might be long on such an occurrence . . . but here we are!
We are full of excitement, joy, and anticipation for what we believe will be an amazing, heart-opening and life-affirming adventure for us, our child, and all those who support us as you do. We’ve created an intention for our journey that we invite you to join us in holding.
Intention
We intend to gratefully and gracefully receive this gift of new life into our lives and our family. We will honor the responsibility we’ve been granted and savor the joy of this pregnancy and the parenting experience. We will nurture this growing life with love, attention, tenderness, strength and joy, creating a healthy, easy, and joyful pregnancy as we wait for baby’s birth. We will open ourselves to growing even more fully into who we were meant to be, and we will support our child to grow fully into he or she is meant to be. We intend to trust Life and nature as well as the wisdom we each carry within. We will also do our best to foster community throughout this process—both to support us on this journey as well as to forge deep connections in this world that will soon be welcoming a new member.
We’ve written more about how baby came to be and will be posting updates from time to time at the Lavender-Mulkey Baby Blog (http://lmbaby.wordpress.com). We hope you’ll want to stay in touch via the blog since it’s the most convenient way for us to communicate with all of our beloved friends and family . . . now and in the months to come.
Thank you for the connection that we share. We send you our love and our gratitude for your presence in our lives.
Shonnie & Bruce
Shonnie Lavender & Bruce Mulkey
828-778-2871 (S)
828-778-5155 (B)
Lavender-Mulkey Baby Blog
P.S. Since we purposefully live a simple lifestyle and endeavor to keep our consumerism in check, we plan to acquire excellent-quality, used baby gear. Thus, if you know of any good resources for this or have baby-related items that you want to sell or give away, please let us know.
P.P.S. You’re welcome to share this news with anyone who might be interested.
Saturday, March 6th, 2010Local political and religious leaders who use the Bible to justify condemnation of gays may want to reconsider
Some political and religious leaders in our community have turned to selected passages from the Bible as moral justification for their intolerance of gays, most frequently quoting Leviticus 18:22: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; such a thing is an abomination.” But if you’re going to take the Good Book literally, doesn’t that mean you have to also condone slavery (Exodus 21:7) and stoning anyone who works on the Sabbath (Exodus 35:2 )?
Watch this clip from the NBC series “West Wing” as President Jed Bartlett asks a homophobic radio talk show host these questions and more.
President Bartlett: I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I’m interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She’s a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here’s one that’s really important because we’ve got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?
Support equal rights for all Ashevillians
Let the Asheville City Council know that you support same-sex domestic partner benefits–equal compensation for equal work–for all Asheville city employees by emailing the mayor and all city council members at AshevilleNCCouncil@ashevillenc.gov. This issue comes before the council next Tuesday, February 9, and I encourage you to attend that meeting to show your support for equal rights for all Ashevillians.
From Councilperson Gordon Smith at Scrutiny Hooligans
Let the Asheville City Council know that you support same-sex domestic partner benefits–equal compensation for equal work–by emailing the mayor and all city council members at AshevilleNCCouncil@ashevillenc.gov. This issue comes before the council next Tuesday, February 9, and I encourage you to attend that meeting to show your support for equal rights for all Ashevillians.
I’m writing to let you know that I support same-sex domestic partner benefits–equal compensation for equal work. Adopting such a policy will be a very positive step toward equal rights for all Ashevillians.
On Feb. 9th your Asheville City Council will consider the question of whether to provide equal compensation for equal work. Domestic Partnership Benefits (DPB) for city employees with same-sex partners address a number of very important social and economic factors:
- Improve recruitment and retention of quality employees
- Provide equal compensation for equal work to our employees who are denied the option to marry
Providing Domestic Partner Benefits to same-sex employees will also:
- Improve Asheville’s reputation as one friendly to our LGBT citizens
- Improve Asheville’s reputation as friendly to gay tourists
- Strengthen families through health, stability, and respect
- Compete with private sector employers
- Bolster Asheville’s reputation as a creative, accepting, diverse economic climate for entrepreneurs
I’ve moved forward with this initiative now because City staff will be presenting an analysis of our health and benefits packages in a worksession on March 9th. Including our LGBT employees is crucial. Seven other government entities in North Carolina have already passed DPB. Three of them, including Mecklenburg County, passed same-sex only DPB. It’s perfectly legal, responsible, and just.
Read more by clicking here.
Hope to see you at the city council meeting next Tuesday!
Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010Will you help provide health care for the uninsured in Buncombe County?
Next weekend I will be taking part in HeartStrings, an annual fund raiser for Project Access that will help to provide medical care for low-income, uninsured folks in Buncombe County. Asheville CrossFit is one of the sponsors of this event.
As part of my participation, I am seeking to raise at least $200 in contributions to support Project Access patients. I a
m asking you to contribute in one of two ways by Friday, February 5:
- A financial donation using the secure online form by clicking here.
- A contribution of a non-monetary nature (e.g., positive thoughts, prayers, passing this letter on to others who might wish to support me with a personal note from you, etc.)
It is unfortunate that many of our fellow citizens still lack essential health care, but until we create a system in which health care is a right rather than a privilege, Project Access will continue to fill a great need in our community.
Thanks a lot for your consideration of my request!
Bruce
HeartStrings Details
Project Access is a program of Buncombe County Medical Society that provides free health care to low-income uninsured residents of Buncombe County. In 2008, physician volunteers contributed more than $14 million of free medical care and over 3,500 people were able to receive the medical care they needed—even life saving specialty care like heart surgery—for free.
The goal of Project Access is to provide a coordinated system for helping uninsured people get the care they need in the most efficient and cost effective way possible. Physicians who volunteer their time, as well as hospitals and other providers who donate resources, provide the care to Project Access patients.
100% of the money we raise during Heartstrings will be used to pay for programmatic essentials such as eligibility screening, medications, durable medical equipment (like wheelchairs and crutches), case management, language interpretation, and other services that ensure that the patient receives comprehensive, high quality care. Donations are tax-deductible.
If you want to learn more, please visit https://www.bcmsonline.org/pa/pp/.
Saturday, January 30th, 2010Shonnie & Bruce’s New Year’s letter
Dear friends and relatives,
Well, January 1, 2010 was the anniversary of our 13 years of life together—13 remarkable years filled with blessings we couldn’t have imagined on the first day of 1997. Putting down roots in the eclectic mountain city of Asheville, North Carolina; learning to live simpler, more fulfilling lives; attaining a greater awareness of our connection with you and the other beings on our planet; gaining a deeper understanding of the gifts we’ve been given and how we might share them; and supporting one another to live more authentically, lovingly, playfully and consciously.
As with the other 12 years, 2009 brought us great joy along with some pain.
Celebrating a new president
The year began with a trip to Washington, D.C. in January to participate in the Presidential Inauguration. As a campaign staff member, Bruce received invitations to the inauguration ceremony and two inaugural 
balls. These exciting activities were not without their challenges, but overall we figure we went four for six:
- We had an excellent place to stay in the very convenient Capitol Hill area thanks to our friend Greg Barton.
- We enjoyed a scrumptious dinner and warm hospitality at the home of one of Bruce’s Ohio campaign co-workers, Emma Levine.
- We joined 10,000 other participants in the inspiring Day of Service putting together care packages for our troops overseas.
- Due to a logistic snafu, we missed the swearing in of Barack Obama but got to listen to it on a cell phone.
- We arrived at the ball we were scheduled to attend that evening only to find it overly crowded, so we opted for a quiet dinner at a nearby restaurant.
- We had a great time celebrating with campaign co-workers at the Staff Ball where the President and First Lady came to sincerely thank us for our campaign work.
Connecting with our relatives
Throughout the year we visited and were visited by lots of our relatives. In March we travelled to Florida to spend some time with Shonnie’s dad and step-mom, Bob and Deb Lavender, and Bruce’s brother and sister-in-law, Art and Eve Mulkey. In June we journeyed to Bruce’s hometown of Tullahoma, Tennessee for a party to celebrate the marriage of Larissa, daughter of Bruce’s sister Nancy and her husband Mike Chaney, to Marco Homrighausen. We welcomed Marco to the family and made sure Bruce’s mom Sue had a good time and got to and from the party without a hitch. In late August Shonnie’s stepdad Charles German and his wife Linda visited us in Asheville. And during early September we flew to Colorado for another stay with Shonnie’s dad and step-mom at their lovely new home in Broomfield. Then we visited Bruce’s daughter Lilla Newton, her husband Brandon along with the grandkids Molly and Jack in Colorado Springs.
Gardening galore!
During the spring Shonnie started a community garden in our townhome complex. She enrolled five other families into the process which started with turning a 25’ x 25’ area of grass into 6 individual garden beds and installing three 90-gallon rain barrels. Partial results of the Lavender-Mulkey garden plot included over 100 pounds of cucumbers (most turned into bread and butter pickles), zucchini that became a summer’s worth of zucchini quiches and bread and tomatoes galore. The best part of the garden was how it brought a small group of neighbors into greater community … something we look forward to continuing in 2010.
Sounding the climate crisis alarm
In May Bruce participated in The Climate Project North American Summit in Nashville. The Climate Project is an international non-profit founded by former Vice President Al Gore with a mission to increase public awareness of the climate crisis at a grassroots level worldwide.
A time of sorrow
One note of sadness . . . Our dear 21-year-old kitty Chocolate passed from her earthly form in August, a transition that often seemed more challenging for us than for her. Through an animal communicator Chocolate tells us she’s doing fine and that she thoroughly enjoyed her time with us. She also wants us to go on our trail runs more regularly and for Bruce to finish the book he’s been working on.
Cecil is elected
During the summer and fall we both supported local progressive Cecil Bothwell in his candidacy for the Asheville City Council. Shonnie emceed a lively campaign event at the YMI Cultural Center, and Bruce served as Cecil’s communications guy throughout the campaign. On November 3 Cecil was elected along with several other progressive candidates.
Shonnie completes work on her M.A.
After working arduously for 2.5 years, in mid-December Shonnie completed her coursework for her master’s degree in Organizational Leadership from Gonzaga University. Shonnie earned a 4.0 for her degree and will accept her diploma in May at Gonzaga in Spokane, Washington.
A Caribbean celebration!
To celebrate Shonnie’s achievement and, belatedly, Bruce’s successful work for Obama in Ohio, we vacationed in Saba, a five-square-mile island in the Netherland Antilles in the Caribbean with a total population of 1500. To get there we flew directly from Charlotte to St. Martin after 
spending the night at the home of Bruce’s nephew Dylan, his wife Kristin and their kids, Riley and Kate. From St. Martin we took the ferry to Saba.
At an elevation of 1500 feet, our simple but comfy cottage at El Momo provided an extraordinary view of the sun sinking into the sea at the end of each day. With high temperatures in the low 80s, we hiked, visited shops in the village, relaxed, read, dined at local eateries, cooked meals of local organic veggies and snorkeled, plus Shonnie went scuba diving several times, sighting numerous turtles, barracuda, and a manta ray, as well as innumerable other amazing sea creatures. In addition, we connected with a number of our fellow guests, the innkeepers and others on the island. It was a glorious trip, and Shonnie got to practice her French during our one day in St. Martin on the way home while Bruce learned to say “Bonjour.”
Entering the new year
Going into the new year, Shonnie continues her work as a life skills coach for Project Access, an innovative and much-emulated program of the Buncombe County Medical Society that provides healthcare for those who can’t afford it. Bruce continues his work as a writer and coach to those who want to write a book. Both of us are serving as facilitators for Building Bridges, a program designed to forge deeper connections between the black and white residents of Asheville. In addition, Bruce takes on the presidency of WNC for Change, an organization that supports progressive causes. In her spare time, Shonnie is thinking of applying to universities at which she may pursue her PhD.
Our intention during 2010 is to be open to what Life presents us—the things we like as well as the things we don’t like—and to all the surprises that are likely to come our way.
We wish each and every one of you a very happy New Year and that 2010 brings you all your heart truly desires!
With gratitude for your presence in our lives,
Shonnie and Bruce
Monday, January 4th, 2010
