Category: Caring for our children
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Stuck Inside the Classroom with the Playground Blues Again
As I’ve worked on my memoir, what’s become a massive act of self-interrogation, I’ve realized that my disconcerting experiences during the first grade that I’ve described above profoundly influenced my attitude about school for the remainder of my classroom days.
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What We Did on Our Summer Vacation!
Realizing that Shonnie’s graduate studies at Western Carolina University were about to resume and Gracelyn would soon begin online classes at Evergreen Community Charter School, we began planning a break from our usual pandemic routines.
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Every student deserves a Ms. Mitchell
Most of my teachers have faded into a nameless, faceless blur. However, there was one savior in the midst of my 12-year confinement. Ms. Mitchell came to Bel-Aire Elementary (Tullahoma, Tennessee) fresh from the University of Tennessee.
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Podcast: Finding My Way Back Home
“Finding My Way Back Home” recounts my journey from toxic masculinity to a more mindful manhood, a voyage that includes participating in a transformational workshop, peeling back the encrusted layers of machismo, being dumped by a lover who finds my newfound vulnerability unmanly, reconciling with my beloved daughter, and serendipitously meeting the woman of my…
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Podcast: A Tale of Two Daughters
“A Tale of Two Daughters” is the story of how, and why, I slipped the surly bonds of toxic masculinity and transformed from emotionally-stunted misogynist to awakened advocate of equality, from feckless father to devoted dad, as America changed with me.
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Evergreen—A charter school committed to becoming racially inclusive
Evergreen Community Charter School is currently taking significant steps toward becoming a more diverse, equitable, and inclusive community.
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Thank you, Howard Hanger, for keeping the main thing the main thing!
Thank you for the huge role you’ve played in our lives, Howard. Thank you for keeping the main thing the main thing. Thank you for being you.
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My essay is featured at the Washington Post!
Yes, I’m excited today because my personal essay “With over 40 years between the birth of my two daughters, I am two different fathers” is featured at the Washington Post On Parenting section.
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Letting go of fear, ill will, and my trusty six-gun
Well, they didn’t pry it out of my cold, dead hands. But my only remaining firearm has just left the premises.
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An Open Letter to My Daughter Gracelyn in the Era of Donald Trump
Today I write this letter to you so that you might better understand the tumultuous transformation that’s currently underway in our nation.
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The Family Dance
It was Saturday, and that meant pizza and homemade ice cream night at the Lavender-Mulkey home. And, as frequently happens, it was time for a family dance.
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Breathing new life into my purpose
I wrote this on December 31, 2010 and am reposting it in honor my daughter Gracelyn’s 6th birthday today. * * * “What is your purpose in life?” the guardian of the gate at the men’s retreat demanded. “To work toward a more compassionate, just and sustainable world,” I immediately replied. “You may enter!” I…
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Adult behavior fosters youth violence–December 15, 1999
Here’s a commentary about violence in our nation that I wrote for the Asheville Citizen-Times late in 1999 that seems unfortunately appropriate for these times. *** I take issue with your December 7 editorial “Latest school shooting should redouble efforts for solutions” in which you state that what has…
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Spanking gets results . . . just not those you’re likely to desire.
My great-grandmother, Mae McCarthy (better known as Ma), who enjoyed dipping snuff and preferred another layer of body powder to regular bathing, had a Victorian attitude when it came to disciplining children. On a warm afternoon in June when I was four, I watched with dismay as Ma instructed Mom in how to choose a…
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I found it, I lost it, I found it again.
While living by myself in a little cottage on Mount Bonnell outside Austin in the early nineties, I was without a significant other for the first extended period in my life. Fortunately (though I didn’t think so at the time) I had the solitude needed to turn my attention toward my own wants and needs…
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Teach Your Children Well
Loved this song in 1970 when my daughter Lilla was two, and I love it now as my daughter Gracelyn is about to turn five. “Teach Your Children Well” by Crosby, Still, Nash and Young You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by. And so become yourself because…
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Breathing new life into my purpose
“What is your purpose in life?” the guardian of the gate at the men’s retreat demanded. “To work toward a more compassionate, just and sustainable world,” I immediately replied. “You may enter!” I guess I’ve known why I’m on this planet for 15 years or so, And at first I organized workshops that encouraged folks…
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Being with Gracelyn–Guiding Principles
Our parenting choices have been made with discernment and purposefulness with the intention that Gracelyn remain authentic, powerful, creative, self-sufficient, grounded, happy, healthy and whole. We practice the Golden Rule with Gracelyn: We treat her exactly as we would want to be treated if we were her age. We express our love for Gracelyn frequently,…
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A poem for Gracelyn
We didn’t tell her what to think, Or any rules to follow. We didn’t tell her what to feel, Or how to anger swallow. We couldn’t teach her to be real, And not to feign emotion. We wouldn’t tell her how life is, We let go of that notion. But in the end we knew…
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Mindful Parenting
This video brought tears to my eyes. It’s about Mindful Parenting as taught by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a powerful philosophy through which parents learn to create deep transformations in their relationship with their children. Parents learn to deepen their sense of emotional connectivity to their children, and equally importantly, learn how to build their children’s…
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Don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground
Everyone’s heard the old saying “You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground.” Well, when we were kids, one of the ringleaders of our gang would say to one of our young initiates, “I don’t think you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground.” “Do too,” was the likely…
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The books that have had the greatest influence on me
Here is a list of the 20 books that have had the greatest influence on me.
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The Wit & Wisdom of Gracelyn
The Wit & Wisdom of Gracelyn by Bruce Mulkey & Shonnie Lavender | Make Your Own Book
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Hieroglyphic Stairway, a poem by Drew Dellinger
it’s 3:23 in the morning and I’m awake because my great great grandchildren won’t let me sleep my great great grandchildren ask me in dreams what did you do while the planet was plundered? what did you do when the earth was unraveling? surely you did something when the seasons started failing? as the mammals,…
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From the mouths of toddlers . . .
Each day at our evening meal, Shonnie, Gracelyn and I participate in a ritual that provides an opportunity for each of us to say at least one thing that happened that day for which we are grateful. The following is excerpt from our conversation during last Saturday’s ritual. Gracelyn (to Shonnie and Bruce during her…
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We’re all blessed!
Tonight while listening to music at the Lavender-Mulkey homestead. Gracelyn: Let’s dance! Me & Shonnie: OK! (The two of us adults slow dance facing each other with Gracelyn lying on her back in our outstretched arms) Gracelyn: I’m blessed. Gracelyn: Are you blessed, Mommy? Shonnie: Yes, I am, darling. Gracelyn: Are you blessed, Daddy? Me:…
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Mr. Rogers defends PBS before U.S. Senate
The day Mr. Rogers saved public television. I wrote “Mr. Rogers offered kids genuine acceptance and a unique model of manhood” shortly after his death in 2003.
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Homemade popsicles . . . yum!
Gracelyn and I made and enjoyed yummy homemade popsicles today–lots of nutritious ingredients with no added sugar. Later I found myself thinking that she probably got more essential nutrients from that one popsicle than most U.S. kids get from what they eat in an entire day. 🙁 Today’s recipe started with a cup or two…
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For my daughters, Lilla and Gracelyn
There could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you. H/T to Mike Miller for telling me about this song.
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On becoming a dad again . . . at 67
“I didn’t think old people could have babies.” That’s what my 13-year-old granddaughter Molly said when her mom (my daughter) Lilla told her that Shonnie was pregnant. When Lilla explained that it was only older women who couldn’t have babies, Molly reflected a moment, then replied, “I thought they were just going to have cats.”…
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Mr. Rogers offered kids genuine acceptance and a unique model of manhood.
In a world in which men are seen as superheroes, testosterone-poisoned oafs, new-age sissies or simply clowns, Fred was the embodiment of a different image: a man who used his immense talent and commitment to his craft in service to humankind. He reached out to toddlers with unconditional love that seemed to well up from…