Was I cranky? No doubt.? Judgmental? Absolutely. Disheartened? Unquestionably. And I’d been unconsciously operating out of this frame of mind for months. Yeah, yeah, I know, given the pandemic, [...]
Saturday morning, alone in the mist and drizzle. Stillness envelops me. No sound but my footsteps, the drip of the moisture from the trees, the occasional songs of the birds.
As I’ve worked on my memoir, what’s become a massive act of self-interrogation, I’ve realized that my disconcerting experiences during the first grade that I've described above profoundly [...]
One balmy June night in 1960, a small group of boys, mostly rising juniors and seniors at Tullahoma (TN) High, were gathered at the Dairy Bar, a little family-run drive-in restaurant typical of [...]
Today, December 28, 2021, Shonnie Lyn Lavender celebrates her 50th birthday--half a century! And to commemorate this milestone event, you are invited to share a memory, what you love about [...]
Shonnie Lavender turns 50 years of age on December 28, and we’ve been together for approximately half of those five decades. In honor of Shonnie’s milestone birthday, I’m reposting my personal [...]
What I learned from football . . . the good, the bad, and the ugly
Chocolate came bounding into the world in Arlington, Texas in 1988, and from early on, it was obvious that this kitty had a mind of her own, a common trait of all felines, but especially [...]
We have been given an awesome opportunity, a test that requires great courage and a willingness to face reality. In the aftermath of the terrible deaths of almost three thousand people and the [...]
A largely overlooked book by Wilma Dykeman and her husband James Stokely made a powerful plea for racial justice in 1957.
On the last Wednesday of November in 1953, my fifth-grade classmates and I were all dressed as Pilgrims or Native Americans, costumes for the Thanksgiving skit we’d enthusiastically performed [...]
Today on my 78th birthday, I’m remembering that saying from the Sixties: Don’t trust anybody over 80. Oh, it was 30, not 80? Hmm, maybe my memory’s not what it once was.
Even though both my Mom and Dad’s Texas forebears were staunch Southern Baptists, I don’t recall going to Sunday school or church during my early childhood, and I was never baptized (which [...]
You can be happy if you want to be. While you may have little control over the events around you, you have total control of the happiness in your own life.
Shonnie, Gracelyn, and I held hands and watched intently as President Biden repeated the final words of the oath of office: “I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of [...]
2020 has undoubtedly been a year of tremendous challenges. The COVID-19 pandemic resulting in more than 340,000 deaths so far, a severe economic downturn, and disruption of our daily lives. The [...]
“Don’t trust anybody over thirty!” My rallying cry during the Sixties, when I was twenty-something, seemingly bulletproof and forever young, living as though those days would never end.
In the Sixties, autumn in Tullahoma (TN) revolved around the high school football team—the Tullahoma High School Wildcats.
The 2020 general election is upon us and could prove to be the most important election in the history of the U.S., an opportunity to uphold our democratic values and stop the slide toward [...]
Realizing that Shonnie’s graduate studies at Western Carolina University were about to resume and Gracelyn would soon begin online classes at Evergreen Community Charter School, we began planning [...]
I am sad to write that my friend Robert Todd passed away at 2:25 A.M. on June 27 after a long struggle with pancreatic cancer.
I am deeply disturbed by the recent violence perpetrated by officers of the Asheville Police Department, especially their harsh treatment of medics and the destruction of their medical supplies [...]
This autobiography was a September 1960 assignment written for Mrs. Clara Garrison's 5th Period English class, Tullahoma High School, Tullahoma, Tennessee.
As I was writing this for my seventy-seventh birthday, in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, a scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail flashed into my consciousness: A couple of grubby-looking [...]
You may have seen that meme that was going around social media a week or two ago: “Dear 2020, none of this sh*t was on my vision board.” Well, life so far in 2020 has presented a number of [...]
Most of my teachers have faded into a nameless, faceless blur. However, there was one savior in the midst of my 12-year confinement. Ms. Mitchell came to Bel-Aire Elementary (Tullahoma, [...]
YES! We made it! Shonnie’s breast cancer diagnosis in November and Gracelyn’s intuitive sense that it was essential to remain near her mom at all times, led to weeks of unsettledness and [...]
"Finding My Way Back Home" recounts my journey from toxic masculinity to a more mindful manhood, a voyage that includes participating in a transformational workshop, peeling back the encrusted [...]
Fifty-six years ago, New Year’s Eve 1963, I was slogging through six or eight inches of wet snow toward an evening at my favorite watering hole, the Roman Room. A junior at the University of [...]
Seventy-eight years ago today, Sunday, December 7, 1941, my dad, Mack Mulkey, a recent college drop-out working at the local Dr Pepper plant, drove a borrowed pickup truck the fifteen miles down [...]
O persistent God, Deliver me from assuming your mercy is gentle. Pressure me that I may grow more human not through the lessening of my struggles but through an expansion of them that will [...]
"A Tale of Two Daughters" is the story of how, and why, I slipped the surly bonds of toxic masculinity and transformed from emotionally-stunted misogynist to awakened advocate of equality, from [...]
Evergreen Community Charter School is currently taking significant steps toward becoming a more diverse, equitable, and inclusive community.
In Knoxville in 1983, I screwed up my courage and began therapy with a local psychologist, John Hoover, a tall, brawny man with an engaging and amiable manner. I immediately had the sense that I [...]
Thank you for the huge role you've played in our lives, Howard. Thank you for keeping the main thing the main thing. Thank you for being you.
In 1958 during my sophomore year at Tullahoma (Tennessee) High School, every boy in the school was ordered to the gymnasium bleachers with the male teachers for a sex education talk by a local [...]
Early in 1999, Shonnie, in her professional capacity, was setting up at a health fair at the Asheville Civic Center. While we rather liked being committed to one another but not married, we'd [...]
Shonnie and I were married at Bend of Ivy Lodge outside Asheville 20 years ago tomorrow, May 30. In honor of that occasion, over the next few days I’ll be posting a few episodes from my [...]
It was a warm June evening in 1961, the night of my graduation from Tullahoma High School. I’d just returned to Tennessee from playing in a high school all-American football game in Fort [...]
You can be happy if you want to be. While you may have little control over the events around you, you have total control of the happiness in your own life.
January 1, a new year, some might say a clean slate. During my wild impetuous youth, the first day of the year typically meant horrendous hangovers and, at some point, the hair of the dog. In [...]
In 1943, I entered life a unique, loving, vulnerable, entirely authentic little being. Before long, however, in reaction to the insensitive, thoughtless, or ignorant words and actions of the [...]
My friend and former brother-in-law Harry Nelson has died.
Yes, I'm excited today because my personal essay "With over 40 years between the birth of my two daughters, I am two different fathers" is featured at the Washington Post On Parenting section.
"Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not."
Seventy-fucking-five. Three-quarters of a century. Thirty percent of the time the U.S. has existed. In my twenties, seemingly bulletproof and brimming with bravado and condescension, I’d [...]
Well, they didn’t pry it out of my cold, dead hands. But my only remaining firearm has just left the premises.
We popped into French Broad Food Co-op during the Women's March in Asheville on Saturday for a few snacks and something to drink. And as I wandered the aisles, I thought, maybe it's time to re-up [...]
Wow, 2017 is about to come to an end, and in some respects, none too soon. But despite the extraordinary political challenges we’ve confronted in our nation this year, 2017 has been a fulfilling [...]
Shonnie and I were recently interviewed for the BedLoveBeyond podcast, this episode about couples with significant age differences (Ours, by the way, is 28 years.).
When you told me you needed a drink-drink and not just a drink like a drink of water, I steered you by the elbow into a corner bar, which turned out to be a real bar-bar,
When the Avett Brothers began to sing “No Hard Feelings,” Shonnie walked over, embraced me, and without exchanging a word, we began to slow dance to the music.
Suggestions on how to help in Houston from Our Revolution
Be joyful though you have considered all the facts
Today I write this letter to you so that you might better understand the tumultuous transformation that’s currently underway in our nation.
I believe we, the citizens of this nation, have been asleep for the past several decades. We began to pay more attention to our TV shows, our favorite celebrities, our sports teams, our fancy [...]
Nothing to live up to, Nothing to live down. No one to castigate, No one to crown . . .
I am a recovering racist. I grew up white in the South of the 50s and 60s. Most of the schools I attended were segregated. And I have rarely had more than superficial contact with men and women [...]
Brighten up your day with this poignant ad from 84 Lumber. Better bring some tissues.
An essay I wrote during the Bush administration in 2003 that's highly relevant today.
The first presidential inauguration I attended was Richard Nixon’s in 1969. Well, I guess I should say that I was actually there for the counter-inauguration . . .
Well, another year has passed, and what a year it’s been. It will be intriguing to see what 2017 will bring. In the meantime, Shonnie, Gracelyn and I want to share what we’ve been up to in 2016. [...]
On a warm Texas morning on Wednesday, November 3, 1948, I remember my mom, Sue Mulkey, a life-long Democrat, gleefully asking our next-door neighbor, “Well, how do you like our new president?” [...]
One might think that Donald Trump is brimming with high self-esteem. He is not. What Donald Trump demonstrates is pseudo-self-esteem. He unconsciously hides his fears, insecurities, and [...]
It was Saturday, and that meant pizza and homemade ice cream night at the Lavender-Mulkey home. And, as frequently happens, it was time for a family dance.
For your viewing pleasure on International Day of Peace.
I wrote this op-ed for the September 15, 2001 edition of the Asheville Citizen-Times. As you read this my wife, Shonnie, will finally be home. That will never be said again for thousands of our [...]
I wrote this on December 31, 2010 and am reposting it in honor my daughter Gracelyn’s 6th birthday today. * * * “What is your purpose in life?” the guardian of the gate at the men’s retreat [...]
Hi, I'm Bruce, and I'm a recovering racist.
Facing what seems like an endless stream of news about racialized conflicts and violence, many people call for us to get beyond our history and find solutions for today, concrete actions we can [...]
In 1958, during my sophomore year at Tullahoma (TN) High School, all the boys in every class were ordered to the gymnasium bleachers with the male teachers for a sex education talk by a local [...]
Well, they didn’t pry it out of my cold, dead hands. But my only remaining firearm has just left the premises. Having grown up and lived in the South I’ve owned shotguns, .22 rifles, and an [...]
Here’s a commentary about violence in our nation that I wrote for the Asheville Citizen-Times late in 1999 that seems unfortunately appropriate for these times. [...]
Last evening Shonnie, Gracelyn and I were in the kitchen cooking dinner and listening to This Land is Your Land: Songs of Freedom. Buffy Sainte-Marie and her rendition of “The Universal [...]
My great-grandmother, Mae McCarthy (better known as Ma), who enjoyed dipping snuff and preferred another layer of body powder to regular bathing, had a Victorian attitude when it came to [...]
My personal remembrance of my cherished friend Sharon Parish, who passed away ten years ago. I wrote this for her daughter Lily Parish’s “Whispers,” a collection of stories [...]
Guy Clark died today at the age of 74. Rest in peace, Guy. Pack up all your dishes. Make note of all good wishes. Say goodbye to the landlord for me. That son of a bitch has always bored me. [...]
It was, in the end, about a 21st century governor who joined a short, tragic list of 20th century governors. You know at least some of these names, probably: Wallace, Faubus, Barnett. They were [...]
What do guys really want? Male stereotypes might have you believe that joining our pals for binge watching NCAA basketball tourney games while consuming lots of cold beer and hot pizza fulfill [...]
The relentless march to war by the Bush administration and camp followers proceeds. Congress has folded like a cheap suit, giving the President the authority to bully another second-rate power [...]
While living by myself in a little cottage on Mount Bonnell outside Austin in the early nineties, I was without a significant other for the first extended period in my life. Fortunately (though I [...]
Below is my recent letter to the Asheville Citizen-Times backing Jasmine Beach-Ferrara for Buncombe County Commission. BACKING BEACH-FERRARA FOR SEAT ON COMMISSION When Amendment One passed in [...]
