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Hi, I’m Bruce, and I’m a recovering racist.
Hi, I’m Bruce, and I’m a recovering racist.
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Can The United States Transcend White Supremacy? by Robert Jensen
Facing what seems like an endless stream of news about racialized conflicts and violence, many people call for us to get beyond our history and find solutions for today, concrete actions we can take immediately, ways of expressing love right now to help us cope with the pain. This yearning is understandable, but it’s just…
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My one and only high school sex education class
In 1958, during my sophomore year at Tullahoma (TN) High School, all the boys in every class were ordered to the gymnasium bleachers with the male teachers for a sex education talk by a local physician, Dr. Ralph Brickell. The girls were sequestered in the auditorium with the female teachers for a similar talk by…
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Letting go of fear, ill will, and my trusty six-gun–reposted
Well, they didn’t pry it out of my cold, dead hands. But my only remaining firearm has just left the premises. Having grown up and lived in the South I’ve owned shotguns, .22 rifles, and an assortment of handguns. But over the years, my collection had dwindled to one old revolver that I kept in…
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Adult behavior fosters youth violence–December 15, 1999
Here’s a commentary about violence in our nation that I wrote for the Asheville Citizen-Times late in 1999 that seems unfortunately appropriate for these times. *** I take issue with your December 7 editorial “Latest school shooting should redouble efforts for solutions” in which you state that what has…
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My thoughts on the 2016 presidential election
Last evening Shonnie, Gracelyn and I were in the kitchen cooking dinner and listening to This Land is Your Land: Songs of Freedom. Buffy Sainte-Marie and her rendition of “The Universal Soldier,” Bob Dylan and Joan Baez crooning “With God on Our Side,” Cisco Houston singing “This Land is Your Land,” and more. And I…
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Spanking gets results . . . just not those you’re likely to desire.
My great-grandmother, Mae McCarthy (better known as Ma), who enjoyed dipping snuff and preferred another layer of body powder to regular bathing, had a Victorian attitude when it came to disciplining children. On a warm afternoon in June when I was four, I watched with dismay as Ma instructed Mom in how to choose a…
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My cherished friend Sharon Parish
My personal remembrance of my cherished friend Sharon Parish, who passed away ten years ago. I wrote this for her daughter Lily Parish’s “Whispers,” a collection of stories about the profound uniqueness of her Mom written by those of us whose lives she so deeply touched. I first met Sharon Parish at Way of a…
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Rest in peace, Guy Clark.
Guy Clark died today at the age of 74. Rest in peace, Guy. Pack up all your dishes. Make note of all good wishes. Say goodbye to the landlord for me. That son of a bitch has always bored me. Throw out them LA papers And that moldy box of vanilla wafers. Adios to all…
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What Was Really Behind North Carolina’s Anti-LGBT Bill
It was, in the end, about a 21st century governor who joined a short, tragic list of 20th century governors. You know at least some of these names, probably: Wallace, Faubus, Barnett. They were men who fed our worst impulses, men who rallied citizens against citizens, instead of leading their states forward. —Charlotte Observer editorial…
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What Men Really Want from a Lover
What do guys really want? Male stereotypes might have you believe that joining our pals for binge watching NCAA basketball tourney games while consuming lots of cold beer and hot pizza fulfill our ultimate desire. However, we guys have deeper wants and needs to share with our female counterparts, wants and needs that often go…
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A few illogical arguments for the elimination of Saddam Hussein, 10/12/02
The relentless march to war by the Bush administration and camp followers proceeds. Congress has folded like a cheap suit, giving the President the authority to bully another second-rate power into submission.
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I found it, I lost it, I found it again.
While living by myself in a little cottage on Mount Bonnell outside Austin in the early nineties, I was without a significant other for the first extended period in my life. Fortunately (though I didn’t think so at the time) I had the solitude needed to turn my attention toward my own wants and needs…
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I support Jasmine Beach-Ferrara for Buncombe County Commission
Below is my recent letter to the Asheville Citizen-Times backing Jasmine Beach-Ferrara for Buncombe County Commission. BACKING BEACH-FERRARA FOR SEAT ON COMMISSION When Amendment One passed in North Carolina in 2012, many pundits and politicians said it would take decades to change the discriminatory law and give LGBT people marriage equality in our state. Jasmine…
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Happy New Year!
What will you release? And what will you begin?
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All alone in the forest . . . yet not alone at all
To be able to run through the forest, strong, quick strides, uphill, downhill, breathing in my surroundings, fully present, conscious of my connection with the web of life. No concern for money, or possessions, or my standing in the social pecking order, not even my own mortality.
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Christmas in the Trenches
Poignant song about the spontaneous 1914 Christmas Truce between the British and German troops, a song written and performed by John McCutcheon. What if we realized our so-called “enemies” have hopes, aspirations and dreams very similar to those we hold? What if we recognized that we have more in common with them than with our…
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Seasons greetings from the Lavender-Mulkey Clan!
Well, we’re back from Costa Rica doing our best to keep alive the Tico lifestyle of pura vida: Go with the flow! And in that tradition, we wish all of y’all a meaningful holiday season and a 2016 filled with peace, love and understanding!
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I Don’t Mind Growing Old; I Just Don’t Want To Be There When It Happens.
“Don’t trust anyone over thirty,” I arrogantly proclaimed during the Sixties, when I was twenty-something and imagined I was bulletproof and would remain forever young. I’m now more than four decades beyond that imaginary line of demarcation. When I look in the mirror it’s clear that I am aging—and I struggle to accept the reality…
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Thought for the day
The other day, I apologized to my wife Shonnie three or four times for various instances of inconsiderate behavior, including speaking disrespectfully to her. I’d certainly recognized and owned up to what I’d done, however, after the final apology, I was reminded of a quotation from my mentor, Brad Brown: “I’m sorry,” said often, easily,…
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My friend, Ken Kinnett
I first met Ken Kinnett and his wife Loyd in 1987 at Way of a Warrior, an intensive weeklong workshop that took place outside of Dahlonega, Georgia near the southern terminus of the Appalachian Trail. During the week, we went whitewater rafting on the Chattooga River (where Deliverance was filmed), participated in a ropes course,…
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Think we Americans have enough stuff?
I’ve been curious for a while about the prevalence of storage unit facilities in the U.S. and whether this phenomena exists in other nations. So, here are the facts: The United States has more than 50,000 storage facilities out of a total of 60,000 storage facilities worldwide (including 3000 in Canada and 1000 in Australia)….
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How I stopped avoiding my calling and learned to love the thesaurus
The Journey by Mary Oliver One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice – – – though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. ‘Mend my life!’ each voice cried. But you didn’t…
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Ground Zero
I dreamt about a hellish place Of smoke and dust and fire And volunteers responded to A call that came from higher. Feeding workers hearty meals Washing dust and grime Cheering cops day in day out Regardless of the time. What shall I do? My role to play? A silent “thank you” mumbled? Crying into…
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Teach Your Children Well
Loved this song in 1970 when my daughter Lilla was two, and I love it now as my daughter Gracelyn is about to turn five. “Teach Your Children Well” by Crosby, Still, Nash and Young You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by. And so become yourself because…
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The cesspool of sin
A few years ago, the late state Sen. Jim Forrester described Asheville as a “cesspool of sin,” and the folks who live here began creating bumper stickers, shirts, and jokes lampooning those remarks. Below is a song by Brian Claflin that continues that tradition.
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On writing
“Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.” — Mark Twain “Thus, in a real sense, I am constantly writing autobiography, but I have to turn it into fiction in order to give it credibility.” –Katherine Paterson “Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use…
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The tale of two wolves
One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people: “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. “The other is good. It…
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My 2001 op-ed opposing discrimination by Boy Scouts of America
Below is an op-ed I wrote in 2001 in my role as a columnist for the Asheville Citizen-Times. In light of recent decisions by the Boy Scouts of America, it seems timely to repost it now. * * * Even after four decades or so, I can still quote the Scout Law, the Scout Oath,…
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Sunday Morning Music
On June 7th, 1969, The Johnny Cash Show made its debut on ABC at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. Featuring Cash ensemble regulars June Carter, the Carter family, Carl Perkins, the Statler Brothers, and the Tennessee Three, his choice of musical guests for his debut program were Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, and Cajun fiddler…
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Thought for the day
If we’re going to demand that all our children be vaccinated for the well-being of the community-at-large, should we not then demand that everyone–man, woman and child–become vegans? After all, the production of meat and dairy products contributes significantly to global warming which may ultimately lead to the extinction of the entire human species. Furthermore…
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Life with our little Zen masters—Bandit and Desmond
I have lived with several Zen masters—all of them cats. —Eckhart Tolle In 1999, a few months after Shonnie and I were married, I got a mid-day call from her at her office at the Mission Hospital marketing department in Asheville, North Carolina. I was putting the finishing touches on a client’s marketing plan at…
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Me and Bandit in the snow
The snowflakes, driven by the blustery north wind, blow into my face and nonchalantly dust the grass and the pines. Once again, Bandit, my trusty feline companion, is my teacher. He stands near me, tail curled around my leg, effortlessly present in the moment, while I struggle to let go of thoughts about the stuff…
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Breathing new life into my purpose
“What is your purpose in life?” the guardian of the gate at the men’s retreat demanded. “To work toward a more compassionate, just and sustainable world,” I immediately replied. “You may enter!” I guess I’ve known why I’m on this planet for 15 years or so, And at first I organized workshops that encouraged folks…
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My morning wakeup
Just as I sit down at my computer this morning To tackle my ever-expanding list of things to do My cat Attabi silently slips into my office with an entirely different agenda As he hops on my desk and lies in front of my keyboard Attabi balks as I try to shoo him away…
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Happy New Year!
Dear family and friends, We hope this post finds you doing well on the first day of the new year. Life in 2014 has been joyous, fun-filled and fulfilling for us, though not without with the ups and downs that life always brings. Here are a few highlights: Gracelyn started preschool three mornings a week…
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Being with Gracelyn–Guiding Principles
Our parenting choices have been made with discernment and purposefulness with the intention that Gracelyn remain authentic, powerful, creative, self-sufficient, grounded, happy, healthy and whole. We practice the Golden Rule with Gracelyn: We treat her exactly as we would want to be treated if we were her age. We express our love for Gracelyn frequently,…
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My path is undeniable.
Once again I’m struck by how the universe responds when I clearly ask for what I want and take action toward that end. On November 19, I posted a personal essay on my blog about my first year in public school in Mount Pleasant, Texas in 1949, a piece in which I experimented with writing…
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Why I write
My true calling: I’ve known it since grade school when I was fascinated by words and phrases that would roll effortlessly off my tongue. And it’s that thing that I spent the first 40 years of my life avoiding: taking my writing seriously. Even though I was drawn to jobs that required a certain amount…
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Locked in the closet
Mount Pleasant, Texas, September 6, 1949: At the time of my matriculation into the first grade at East Ward Elementary (a squat rectangular building that could easily have passed for a penal institution), Miss Sims was already more than 60 years old and had been teaching there for 28 years. Born in Victorian times, she…
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An unanticipated encounter
Our four-year-old daughter Gracelyn is quite the rhymester, frequently making up poems and songs for her own entertainment and, so it would seem, for ours too. So, at Lake Eden Arts Festival (LEAF) a few weeks ago, we decided to go to the youth poetry slam, where Gracelyn could see kids performing their work and…
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Proud of our community’s role in NC’s move to marriage equality
Since the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a key part of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act in 2013, it was clear that marriage equality was on its way throughout our land. It really wasn’t a matter of if, but when. And I’m really proud of the role that Asheville and Buncombe County have played…
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Lesson in humility?
Well, I made history today, personal history anyway. The mountain trails we run on are filled with twists and turns with roots and rocks scattered liberally along the way. Typically I’ll take a spill every 20 runs or so. No consequences more serious that a bruised ego most of the time. In fact, once during…
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A poem for Gracelyn
We didn’t tell her what to think, Or any rules to follow. We didn’t tell her what to feel, Or how to anger swallow. We couldn’t teach her to be real, And not to feign emotion. We wouldn’t tell her how life is, We let go of that notion. But in the end we knew…
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Mindful Parenting
This video brought tears to my eyes. It’s about Mindful Parenting as taught by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a powerful philosophy through which parents learn to create deep transformations in their relationship with their children. Parents learn to deepen their sense of emotional connectivity to their children, and equally importantly, learn how to build their children’s…
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Tom Robbins at Jubilee! today
I’m a long-time fan of Tom Robbins , having resonated with with his first book, Another Roadside Attraction, in the ’70s. In fact, I fancied myself one of the characters in the novel: Plucky Purcell, former college football star and sometime dope dealer. Actually, that description fit pretty well at the time. Therefore I was…
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The insanity of intervention in Iraq
In 2003, George W. Bush hornswoggled this nation into an “illegal, immoral, ill-conceived war against Iraq.” A few years into the occupation when public opinion was turning against the war, the Bush administration argued that a bloodbath would ensue if we pulled our troops out before the Iraqi government and its armed forces were prepared…
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We the people want our soldiers home, April 27, 2007
In light of current events in Iraq, I’m reposting a piece I wrote in 2007. George W. Bush’s ill-fated decision to frighten this nation into an illegal, immoral, ill-conceived war against Iraq, a country that posed no real threat to us, will haunt him throughout history. Now most Americans believe the U.S. should never have…
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When Brucie met Shonnie redux
In honor of our 15 years of married life together, an encore post of the story of how Shonnie and I met and fell in love. I first laid eyes on Shonnie Lavender in 1995 when we both joined the Austin Fit Green Training Group for the Austin Motorola Marathon. It was August, and as…
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Don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground
Everyone’s heard the old saying “You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground.” Well, when we were kids, one of the ringleaders of our gang would say to one of our young initiates, “I don’t think you don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground.” “Do too,” was the likely…
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Quote of the day
“To forge an untouchable, invulnerable identity is actually a sign of retreat from this world; of weakness, a sign of fear rather than strength and betrays a strange misunderstanding of an abiding, foundational and necessary reality: that untouched, we disappear.” –David Whyte
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The books that have had the greatest influence on me
Here is a list of the 20 books that have had the greatest influence on me.
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Walking Round in Women’s Underwear
It’s that time of year again! Bob Rivers’ hilarious parody of “Winter Wonderland.”
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“The Journey,” by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice— though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do,…
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The Wit & Wisdom of Gracelyn
The Wit & Wisdom of Gracelyn by Bruce Mulkey & Shonnie Lavender | Make Your Own Book
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Hieroglyphic Stairway, a poem by Drew Dellinger
it’s 3:23 in the morning and I’m awake because my great great grandchildren won’t let me sleep my great great grandchildren ask me in dreams what did you do while the planet was plundered? what did you do when the earth was unraveling? surely you did something when the seasons started failing? as the mammals,…
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From the mouths of toddlers . . .
Each day at our evening meal, Shonnie, Gracelyn and I participate in a ritual that provides an opportunity for each of us to say at least one thing that happened that day for which we are grateful. The following is excerpt from our conversation during last Saturday’s ritual. Gracelyn (to Shonnie and Bruce during her…
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Old white men struggle to turn back clock
What we’ve been witnessing at the General Assembly in Raleigh the past few months is the futile attempt by fearful, old, white men to hang on to the power and control to which they assume they’re entitled. These extremists imagine that if they can push women, gays, blacks and Latinos back to the status these…
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Monday evening cat blogging
Last night I walked downstairs to find Kaali, Desmond and Bandit relaxing together on the coffee table. After taking this photo, I sat on the couch, and, one by one, each of them came over to join me. Bandit lay beside me, Desmond in my lap and Kaali on my chest. After around a half…
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Rest in peace, Sue Mulkey
Around the first of the year I asked my 88-year-old mother Sue a daunting question: “Are you ready to go?” This once powerful, dynamic, high-energy woman had fallen several times over the past few years, breaking both her ankles in one of them. As she’d slowed down and become less self-reliant, she also became more…
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“Let the Mystery Be” by Iris DeMent
“Let the Mystery Be” by Iris DeMent “Let the Mystery Be” by Iris DeMent Everybody’s wonderin’ what and where they all came from. Everybody’s worryin’ ’bout where they’re gonna go when the whole thing’s done. But no one knows for certain and so it’s all the same to me. I think I’ll just let the…
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Sue Mulkey’s obituary
Below is my Mom’s obituary that appeared in The Tullahoma (TN) News last Friday. My brother Art, my sister Nancy and I collaborated on writing it. Sue Mulkey’s Obituary Sue Mulkey, 88, longtime resident of Tullahoma (TN), died Sunday, May 26, at Harton Regional Medical Center. Sue was born to the late Dewey and Effie…
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Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
My mother Callie Sue Tilghman Mulkey passed away yesterday at the age of 88. Below is a poem that I shared last night at an impromptu gathering of our clan. Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep by Mary Elizabeth Frye Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there; I…
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“Letter from the Birmingham Jail,” published 50 years ago today
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested while leading coordinated marches and sit-ins against racism and racial segregation in Birmingham, Alabama in April 1963. Dr. King wrote “Letter from the Birmingham Jail” in response to “A Call for Unity“: a statement made by eight white Alabama clergymen against King and his methods. King’s letter was…
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25 things you may not know (or even care to know) about me
I was a scrawny little kid who was frequently ill. One of my elementary school teachers even referred to me as “sickly.” I played football with reckless abandon from junior high through college, though I have no interest whatsoever in watching games on the gridiron any longer. My favorite color is blue. More than half…
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We’re all blessed!
Tonight while listening to music at the Lavender-Mulkey homestead. Gracelyn: Let’s dance! Me & Shonnie: OK! (The two of us adults slow dance facing each other with Gracelyn lying on her back in our outstretched arms) Gracelyn: I’m blessed. Gracelyn: Are you blessed, Mommy? Shonnie: Yes, I am, darling. Gracelyn: Are you blessed, Daddy? Me:…
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Mr. Rogers defends PBS before U.S. Senate
The day Mr. Rogers saved public television. I wrote “Mr. Rogers offered kids genuine acceptance and a unique model of manhood” shortly after his death in 2003.
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So Far, So Strange
Jeff Thompson played this evocative song at Jubilee! yesterday, a fitting tune for my 70th birthday. Jeff is also the creator of Shit New Age Guys Say, which has gotten almost 300,000 hits so far on YouTube. “So Far, So Strange” by Jeff Thompson Under the unrelenting gaze of who I was in younger days,…
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On Turning 70
Today, on my 70th birthday, I’m recalling the catchphrase we freely cast about during the turbulent years of the late 1960s: “Don’t trust anyone over 30.” I was in my 20s then, unyielding, arrogant, bulletproof (in my mind anyway), and I think we spoke those words not only to set ourselves apart from our elders,…
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Homemade popsicles . . . yum!
Gracelyn and I made and enjoyed yummy homemade popsicles today–lots of nutritious ingredients with no added sugar. Later I found myself thinking that she probably got more essential nutrients from that one popsicle than most U.S. kids get from what they eat in an entire day. 🙁 Today’s recipe started with a cup or two…
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Bill Moyers Essay: The United States of Inequality
“A petty, narcissistic, pridefully ignorant politics has come to dominate and paralyze our government while millions of people keep falling through the gaping hole that has turned us into the United States of Inequality.” –Bill Moyers
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For my daughters, Lilla and Gracelyn
There could never be a father who loved his daughter more than I love you. H/T to Mike Miller for telling me about this song.
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My personal journey from bigotry to equality
By the luck of the draw, in 1943, I was born white, male, heterosexual and middle class. I was instantly granted cultural privileges and advantages that gave me a distinct leg up as I made my way in the world. I grew up in a small town in Tennessee during the so-called “good old days,”…
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A few quotations
There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the roots. –Henry David Thoreau, Walden I have spent many days stringing and unstringing my instrument while the song I came to sing remains unsung. –Rabindranath Tagore Only in the last moment in history has the delusion arisen that…
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A 2002 piece I wrote opposing the invasion of Iraq
A few illogical arguments for the elimination of Saddam Hussein October 12, 2002, Asheville Citizen-Times By Bruce Mulkey “After all, this is a guy that tried to kill my dad.” –President George W. Bush about Saddam Hussein “I can appreciate his obsessive need to prove his masculinity and defend his family name. But should Americans…
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My story and I’m sticking with it
“Be careful, Brucie, you might get hurt.” A frequent refrain from my great-grandmother and great-aunt while I was growing up in the late ’40s. Well meaning though they may have been, each hovered over me like a domineering mother hen. And my mom, Sue, filled with the intense desire to protect me from polio, tended…
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Our little girl at 2.5 years old
It’s finally dawned on me: We’ve now got another full-fledged member of the family. Yeah, I know, I’ve said something similar before, but these days our family has a whole new dynamic. Gracelyn at age 2.5 takes part in meaningful conversations, organizes occasional dance parties, cajoles us into evening walks under the stars and takes…
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I’m back!
Yes, after a one-year hiatus with Patsy Keever’s campaign for Congress, I’m back to blogging. And though I thought seriously about retiring from politics entirely after that intense effort, I’ve agreed to be Cecil Bothwell’s campaign manager for his Asheville City Council reelection campaign. Today Cecil publicly announced his candidacy: Now, more than ever, North…
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On becoming a dad again . . . at 67
“I didn’t think old people could have babies.” That’s what my 13-year-old granddaughter Molly said when her mom (my daughter) Lilla told her that Shonnie was pregnant. When Lilla explained that it was only older women who couldn’t have babies, Molly reflected a moment, then replied, “I thought they were just going to have cats.”…
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When Brucie Met Shonnie
I first laid eyes on Shonnie Lavender in 1995 when we both joined the Austin Fit Green Training Group for the Austin Motorola Marathon. It was August, and as usual, hot as Hades in the capitol city of Texas—highs in the upper 90s to lower 100s.
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My life with Chocolate
Chocolate came bounding into the world in Arlington, Texas in 1988, and from early on, it was obvious that this kitty had a mind of her own, a common trait of all felines, but especially pronounced in this energetic little bundle of fluffy black fur. My wife Deb and I had adopted Chocolate’s parents, Rocky…
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My time as an organizer for Barack Obama in southern Ohio
‘Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.’ –Barack Obama
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Between Iraq and a hard place: The use of propaganda during wartime
Propaganda: Information, ideas, opinions or images, often only giving one part of an argument, which are broadcast, published or in some other way spread with the intention of influencing people’s opinions. Cambridge International Dictionary So when Al-Jazeera shows Iraqi children slaughtered and maimed as a result of the war in Iraq, it’s propaganda. But when…
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Mr. Rogers offered kids genuine acceptance and a unique model of manhood.
In a world in which men are seen as superheroes, testosterone-poisoned oafs, new-age sissies or simply clowns, Fred was the embodiment of a different image: a man who used his immense talent and commitment to his craft in service to humankind. He reached out to toddlers with unconditional love that seemed to well up from…
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My dad and the American Dream
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. ~Charles Wadsworth If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present…
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Aging is inevitable, growing old is not.
We never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we are born. ~Albert Einstein Somewhere in the middle of your life, you meet an interesting new person. Yourself. ~Unknown If I’d known I was going to live this long I’d have taken better care of myself. ~Eubie Blake I harshly…
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Staying put: My city and I’m sticking with it
Home is not where you have to go but where you want to go; nor is it a place where you are sullenly admitted, but rather where you are welcomed—by the people, the walls, the tiles on the floor, the flowers beside the door, the play of light, the very grass.
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Reigniting the vital fire of life
Saturday morning, alone in the mist and drizzle. Stillness envelops me. No sound but my footsteps, the drip of the moisture from the trees, the occasional songs of the birds. How blessed I am to live in this part of the world—hundreds of miles of mountain trails, all within easy reach. Though I usually run…